Things We Were Never Supposed to Know
by Legolas.I.am
Summary: In which Fin and Munch both find out something about the other they were never meant to know, Munch doesn't want to feel, Fin becomes a victim, and everyone feels very uncomfortable about the whole thing. A Munch x Fin slash, rated M for language, rape, and sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, this is my first SVU story, so pardon any OOC moments in m story, please!**

**Please remember, this is a ****_M rated _****SLASH! That means that this is not for the sexually uncomfortable or the homophobic ass-hole (which, if you are either of these, you probably shouldn't be watching SVU anyway)!**

* * *

Fin knew he was home, which was why he became increasingly agitated when the man wouldn't answer his door. The detective didn't want to use the key his partner had given him _'for emergencies only_' because he had been told that said partner would _'cut off any of his favorable extremities and string them up like a wind chime_' if the key was used otherwise.

After a second of consideration, Fin pulled the key from his pocket.

"Hey, man, I know you're here!" Fin yelled as he closed the apartment door behind him.

The detective was met with only silence.

"Munch, where you at?" Fin stayed silent, listening for any sound the barren apartment had to offer him, which was none. The detective's irritation was beginning to turn to worry as the man went from room to room searching for his partner.

He was only there because of how Munch had been acting that day. His normally irrational, volatile partner had been stoic and distant. Fin had deliberately tried to goad him on throughout the day, but was met with only curt nods and short replies.

"Munch, you son of a bitch, where are you?" Fin groaned as he sat heavily on the immaculately made bed.

Then, he heard a faint noise, one so quiet he had to strain to pick it up. He listened until he felt certain it was coming from the bedroom closet.

"Munch?" Fin whispered, pushing open the wooden door. His frustration mounted as he peered through the many suits and saw no Munch. However, as he listened, he was certain the noise was coming from the closet.

Fin pushed the suits aside so he could get a full view of the back wall. After what felt like forever, he was finally able to see the smallest of hairline fractures in the plaster. He pushed on the spot and was able to see the outlining border of a square. With a little effort, the detective was able to pull the detached piece from the wall.

The noise hit him hard; it was deafening and it took him a second to realize what it was.  
Voices, voices he didn't want to remember. They were voices that had haunted his dreams and corrupted his sleep.

He heard his own voice too:

'_Baby, I need you to tell me what happened_.'

_'No, I don't want to_!'

'_I know, I know baby, but I need you to tell me what your Daddy did to you_.'

Fin sat, numb as he listened to the child's voice tell him exactly what her Dad had done to her.

After a minute, Fin remembered why he was there. He didn't want to go into the room; he didn't want to see what was happening, but he found himself crawling through the opening anyway.

Fin was met with the back of a large armchair, only a few tufts of gray hair sticking out over the top told the detective his partner was there. The room was bathed in the dull light of a desk lamp. The walls were covered with photos, photos of bodies, some whole, some not. In the corner sat a squat little television; Fin knew that he was on the screen, the little girl seated across from him.

Slowly, Fin circled around to face his partner.

Munch was very still, his eyes closed behind those large frames. The thin lips were set in a line.

"Munch?" Fin asked uneasily, he was starting to feel overwhelmed by the horrific nostalgia.

Munch didn't move.

"John?" Fin raised a tentative hand and placed it atop his partner's shoulders.

Munch came to with a start, causing Fin to retract his arm with uncharacteristic fear.

"Odafin, what are you doing here?" Munch asked, dazed and confused.

Fin didn't answer; he was starting to feel the beginnings of panic creep into his chest as he felt trapped in the horrible room.

"Odafin, why are you in my house?" Munch asked again with more force, which only caused Fin to retreat farther into himself. The younger detective was having trouble thinking, he was starting to shut down, which was something he hadn't done since he was a child. He couldn't breathe; all he could see was the photos of victims on the wall, all he could hear was the voice of that little girl.

Munch moved towards Fin, but Fin moved away until his back hit the wall. Munch was worried, he had never seen Fin like this, so scared and overwhelmed. Fin sunk down the wall until he hit the floor, where he pulled his knees against his chest and closed his eyes tight.

"Fin," Munch tried, but the smaller man didn't move. "It's okay, Fin, breathe, okay?" Munch said soothingly as he hurried to switch off the video. "Fin, it's off now, it's okay."

Fin still said nothing.

Eventually, Munch was able to lead his partner out of the room and onto the bed.

Fin sat both rigid and limp all at once; his back and legs were straight, but his head was cocked oddly and his arms were trying to grab hold of something, be it the sheets or his own pant leg.

"Do you want some tea? Coffee?" Munch tried desperately, but to no avail. When Fin still refused to speak, Munch settled for sitting beside his partner and waiting.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." Munch said after what felt like forever. Fin grunted weakly, which Munch found oddly reassuring. Munch settled back in silence again for a bit, deciding not to test Fin's limits.

After only about ten more minutes, Munch was already getting rather irritated with the still silence, so he lifted his arm and set in softly on his Partner's shoulder, trying to get a reaction.

Fin jerking away violently was not the reaction Munch had been hoping for, but it seemed to bring Fin around anyway.

"Don't touch me." Fin said with an icy undertone Munch had never heard from his partner before.

"Okay, Okay, no touching." Munch said, holding up in arms to try to calm the younger man.

"What kind of sick freak are you?" Fin spat, "Do you get off on that?" He gestured towards the closet, "Is that why you work in SVU, so you can add to your collection?"

"No!" Munch retorted angrily.

"Really? Because that's what it looks like to me!" Fin barked, disgust burning in his dark eyes.

"That's not it and you know it!" Munch said warningly.

"I don't know!" Fin scowled, "Obviously I don't know anything about you!"

"Obviously!" Munch spat back.

They fell back into a heavy silence; Fin's breathing was the only thing that filled the room.

"I do it so I don't feel anything." Munch said quietly after a while.

When Fin didn't reply, he continued,

"You've seen how I get on cases, they get to me, and I can't deal with it anymore. Every case takes a little bit out of me, and I don't have much left. So, I figured if I immerse myself in," be gestured towards the closet, "that, then I'll start to feel... Numb. Then, at least, every case won't hurt so much."

Fin blinked at the man, "That's stupid."

Munch started, he felt hurt by the comment.

"You're a good detective because you do feel," Fin continued, paying no mind to Munch's reaction, "If you numb yourself to it all, John, then who'll help those victims? Me? You need those feelin's, I need those feelin's, it's what makes our team work."

"Please," Munch frowned behind his glasses, "the victims always love you, the women always fall for you, the children always attach to you. Not me, I'm just a grumpy old man."

"Yes, you're a grumpy old man," Fin smirked, "but you're a grumpy old man who cares about the victims with all he has; they see that."

"That's easy to say when you've got the women swarming you like flies." Munch frowned, but playfully.

"Well, they've got bad taste, and bad judgement, and a bad..." Fin caught himself; he turned away from Munch in favor of staring at his shoes.

"A bad what?" Munch pressed with a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Nothin', don't bother yourself with it." Fin muttered, standing up and straightening his pants.

"Oh, but now I'm curious now, a bad what?" Munch asked, standing up too.

"I said drop it." Fin said curtly.

"Come on, I thought we were bonding," Munch smirked, "what aren't you telling me, Odafin Tutuola?"

Fin faltered for a second at the sound of his full name, "Nothin'." Fin was halfway to the door of the apartment now.

"All those women have a bad what?" Munch asked, pulling on the sleeve of Fin's shirt so the man had to turn to face him.

"Gay-dar!" Fin said sharply before yanking his sleeve away from Munch and walking quickly out the door, leaving Munch feeling suddenly very confused and very alone.

* * *

**Please review! (If you're going to critique my grammar or complain about "sensitive subjects", just know that I don't particularly give a shit so I'm gonna save you the trouble and tell you to just NOT BOTHER ME)**

**All my love!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is another chapter for your... weird, twisted enjoyment!**

* * *

Fin didn't come to work the next day. He didn't answer his pager, or his phone. They were all worried, but Fin was a man; they figured he must have a good reason.

"If only they knew," Munch muttered to himself throughout the day.

Munch was worried about his partner. He thought he had known Fin, but how had he missed such a large part of the detective's life? Munch knew Fin was strong, but he was worried as to how strong strong was.

* * *

Fin sat quietly on his favorite bar stool in his favorite bar. It was a gay bar, but it was a little hole in the wall and was quite a ways away from the precinct. He didn't go to a gay bar to pick up or to get picked up; he was getting up on years and he didn't exactly send out the right "vibe", as the cute bartender had pointed out several times.

"Fin, sweetheart, you're going to die sad and alone if you don't learn to smile a little." Nick, the bartender, said as he leaned against the counter in front of Fin.

"Don't call me sweetheart, and maybe I like it that way." Fin frowned, but not ill-temperedly.

"Come on, you're not bad-looking. I've seen about three guys who've been interested in you tonight, that is, before you turn and scowl at them." Nick smirked playfully.

"You're delusional, they're probably just staring. I've probably arrested them, or something. No one wants a forty-something-year-old, black cop." Fin scowled at the men around him warningly.

"Don't be so sure of that!" Nick said suddenly, "I mean, hey, I was pretty damn attracted to you when you first started coming here."

"Key word there is 'was'." Fin smiled tiredly, "besides, you're cute and young; you deserve someone cute and young, not a grumpy, old cop."

Nick smiled sadly at Fin, because truth be told, he was still attracted to that grumpy, old cop. "Sure," Nick said before leaning over the bar and planting a soft kiss on Fin's cheek. Nick smiled at the surprised expression on Fin's face before he walked away to serve some of the less-interesting customers.

"Stupid kid," Fin muttered quietly, but smiled despite himself. He was feeling decidedly better as he reached his arms up and stretched, looking lazily around the bar.

Then he couldn't breathe. He had locked eyes with a certain, very familiar new-comer. Said new-comer was hand-in-hand with a very nice-looking man, and was standing, slack-jawed as he stared at the detective.

"Dad?" Ken spluttered, stepping closer to Fin.

"Jesus, um, Nick, money's on the counter!" Fin said quickly before slamming a few bills on the counter-top.

"Love, you gave me a twenty-dollar tip," Nick said with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, you deserve it," Fin said, never breaking eye contact with Ken.

"Okay, I'll see you later then?" Nick asked, concern in his soft voice.

"Yeah," Fin said as he slowly got down from the stool.

"Okay, bye, sweetheart!" Nick said, waving lovingly at Fin.

But Fin was already out the door, rushing passed Ken so fast he wasn't sure it had happened at all.  
He stopped in the alley beside the bar, hunched over and breathing hard.

He didn't notice the group of men walk toward him until his face was being pressed into the cold brick. Fin didn't start to panic until he realized there were a lot of them, he could hear them talking. He didn't dare flash his badge; he knew that would only make it worse. He felt cold dread rush through his veins as he felt his work pants fall to his ankles. He didn't beg them to stop, he didn't make a noise. There were too many to fight off, there was nothing he could do. Fin felt tears prick his eyes as an utter sense of hopelessness filled his gut.

"What's the matter?" One of the voices said mockingly, "not usually on the receiving end?" Fin felt like screaming as a sudden pain shot through his lower muscles that he had not felt in years.

"You're not even fighting it," another voice said, "He must like it." Fin couldn't help the gagging noise that escaped his mouth as a hard object, he didn't want to think about what it was, hit the back of his throat.

There was now a man inside his anus and mouth, along with one holding his hair in a painful grip to keep him from standing. He could have tried to fight them, but something within Fin told him it would only make it worse. The only thing he could think to do was to not react at all. These men wanted Fin to squirm, to clench his muscles in an escape, but he knew that would only fuel the fire.

"That's right," yet another voice said, "You do like it, don't you? You piece of shit!" There was a lingering sting on his ass and an echo in the air even after the embodiment of the voice slapped it. The last think Fin wanted to do was cry. He was a grown man, a grown, black man, a cop no less. But despite his best efforts, Fin felt the humiliating tears run down in cheeks in burning trails.

"Oh my God!" Fin's eyes shot open, trying to pull away from the men inside him, trying to search through swimming eyes, "Dad!" Fin was able to turn his head enough to see Ken standing at the mouth of the alley, a horrified expression on his face, before a large hand slammed Fin's face into the cold ground.

* * *

"This is Munch," Munch said as he flipped open his cell.

"Munch, oh god, Jesus," the voice on the other side was frantic and breathy.

"Who is this?" Munch asked, drawing the attention of the rest of the occupants of the surprisingly uneventful precinct.

"It's Ken, oh god, Dad... He... They... Oh my god." Ken was audibly close to tears now and that scared Munch.

"Ken, calm down! Where are you? What happened to Fin?" Munch asked, trying to stay level-headed, but failing.

"I'm outside this hole in the wall gay bar on 29th street, I came with my boyfriend and I walked in and... Saw Dad... Dad freaked and ran out and I followed him and some guys jumped him and... Oh god I can hear them! I... Oh my god..." Ken was trying to talk through his tears.

"Wait... Fin is... Oh God..." Munch suddenly felt very cold, "We're on our way!"

Munch hung up and stared at the detectives before him. "Call a bus... Fin is being... Attacked... Outside The Heist on 29th Street."

"The... Gay bar?" Olivia asked

Munch didn't answer; he was already out the door and in the car.

* * *

"Damn," one of the voices said heatedly as sirens blared in the background, "that'll be the Feds, we'd better go."

The others seemed to all agree, because they finished quickly anywhere in or on Fin they could think of. Fin hated the feeling of their sticky seamen coating his bare skin, but he was grateful that it was over. He had no idea how long he had endured those sweaty, rancid bodies passing him around like a joint at a music festival, and he wasnt sure he wanted to know.

"Bye bye, sweetheart," the first voice cooed, "hope you enjoyed it."

Then they were gone, leaving Fin half conscious and mostly naked, collapsed unceremoniously on the cold floor.

* * *

"Fin!" A familiar voice yelled.

Fin could only groan in response. He was humiliated, and would've preferred nearly anything besides his current situation. His pants, underwear, shoes, and socks were far out of his reach, his shirt was ripped, his hair loose and matted with cum, and his body was sticky with enough foreign fluids to make up a M.E.'s wet dream.

"Fin, Fin look at me," Fin felt strong hands holding his shoulders. He wanted to disappear, to vanish and not have to face the heavy understanding of exactly what had just happened. He wasn't supposed to be a victim; he wasn't ready to ever be a victim. But he knew that there was no escaping his situation. He knew that once he opened his eyes, he would have to deal with the fact that he had just been raped, that his son had seen him get raped, that the man he was in love with was now cradling his violated and exposed body, and that all of his colleagues would now have to come to terms with who he, Odafin Tutuola, really was.

Slowly, Fin opened his tired, dark eyes.

"There you are," Munch smiled, his eyes glinting sadly behind his large glasses, "I've got you, Fin."

Fin managed a pained smile, "is Ken okay?"

"Just shaken up, he's alright." Munch said softly

"Good, that's good." Fin tried sitting up, but Munch kept his grip firm.

"Hey, don't move too much, I've got a bus here waiting, you need to go to the hospital." Munch frowned.

"Don't want to go to no-"

"Fin! Oh my God!" Munch turned his head sharply at the unknown voice.

"Hey, hey, this is a crime scene, back up!" Munch barked, holding Fin closer to his chest without realizing it.

"Is... Is he alright?" Nick was starting to cry and that made Munch nervous.

"I'm fine, Nick, nothin' to worry yourself over." Fin frowned, resting his forehead on Munch's shoulder, "He's a friend, Munch, don't get so tense."

"Hey, for all we know he's one of the perps!" Munch said defiantly, he wasn't sure why his stomach was tightening, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"A perp?" Nick asked dumbly, taking a few steps forward, "I would never... hurt Fin!" Nick noted how Munch was pulling Fin closer to his chest with every step he took and that Munch's eyes were narrowed warningly behind his glasses. "Oh, I see." Nick's eyes widened with understanding as he looked from Munch to Fin.

"And what is it you see exactly?" Munch scowled, wondering excatly what he had missed. He didn't like this kid. He wouldn't admit it, but he didn't like how the kid looked at Fin.

"Munch!" Olivia yelled as she rushed into the alley, "We need to get Fin on this bus, now! What are you waiting for?"

"Get..." Munch broke his hostile eye contact with Nick, "Get me a blanket, Liv."

"Okay," Olivia said, worry lacing her voice.

"Hey, Fin, stay awake, okay?" Munch said, scooping Fin up with some difficulty, "it's gonna be alright."

"Do ya always talk this much when you're jealous or do you just love me that much?" Fin couldn't help the gibe, no matter how much it hurt.

"Shut up," Munch cursed the blush that crept up his cheeks.

"Okay," Fin said quietly, pressing his bloody face into Munch's cool jacket.

"Hey, you," Munch barked at Nick, "you better come with us, we'll need your statement."

Nick just nodded and followed without saying anything.

The last thing Fin remembered before he blacked out was Munch carefully setting him down on the stretcher and climbing into the bus with him, whispering things Fin wished he could hear.

* * *

**Please Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This ship makes me so happy, I don't even know why. **

**By the way, if you have never listen to Ice T (a.k.a my favorite fictional detective, Odafin Tutuola) rap, he's awesome and listening to his songs about how fucked up cops are makes watching him on the show just that much better!**

* * *

Fin awoke to the smell of ammonia, bleach, and sickness—the hospital. He was grateful for the few seconds in which he forgot why he was there. He felt a heavy dread weighing on his chest as he opened his eyes, prepared to be met with a crowd of people.

He was relieved to see only Munch, who was slumped in an uncomfortable looking chair. The older man's hand rested next to Fin's on the bed, not quite touching, but close enough to make Fin's heart rate pick up its even pace.

"You're awake," Munch said, stretching his back.

"Yeah," Fin said somberly.

Munch wasn't used to not knowing what to say, so he was feeling slightly panicked when no words formed in his throat.

"You can start with the jokes now," Fin muttered, taking Munch's silence to mean something negative, "go ahead, I can take it."

Munch flinched at the accusation. Did Fin really think he was going to make fun of him? "I wasn't going to..."

"Yeah, sure," Fin scowled, "aren't you going to say I had it coming? You're probably right; it's probably my fault anyway." Fin tried vainly to keep his lower lip from quivering as his head fell heavily back onto the pillow and turned away from his partner.

"It wasn't your fault," Munch said, hurt at Fin's reaction, "you didn't do anything wrong."

"Except for being a faggot," Fin spat, "an old, critical, black faggot who should've stayed in the closet."

After that, Fin turned away from Munch and refused to speak another word, so Munch was forced into resigning to sit quietly in his chair and wait for Fin to come to him. He had dealt with enough victims to know that arguing was one of the worst things he could do at the moment.

* * *

Fin felt detached from the world around him. He didn't listen to the doctors or anyone else; he would just nod without really knowing what they had said, not that he particularly cared anyway.

Soon, Fin was out of the hospital and seated dejectedly inside the precinct interrogation room, because that's where he felt he belonged. Munch, Olivia, and Elliot were all seated around him; he knew Cragen and Wong were on the other side of the one-way.

"Fin?" Olivia asked, "Fin are you listening?"

"What?" Fin asked in a tired, passive voice that made him feel old.

"Fin, we need your statement." Olivia looked apologetic, Elliot was avoiding eye contact, and Munch was staring at him with worrying eyes.

"Why?" Fin frowned, "I didn't report anything, and I didn't place any charges."

"Fin, I realize this is hard for you, but if we want to catch these guys, you need to tell us what happened." Olivia's voice was beginning to sound desperate, which made the uncomfortable atmosphere of the room even more uncomfortable.

"No, I don't!" Fin barked, "I don't want to report this! I want you all to leave it alone! And why do we need the cavalry in here anyway? Are all three of you really necessary?"

"Fin," Olivia said soothingly, "I know you're upset, but these guys need to be caught! For all we know, they're targeting cops! And we're all in here because we're worried about you!"

Fin glared at the group before him, "No."

"Why are you being so difficult?" Olivia asked

"Because if you all haven't realized by now, I didn't exactly want the world to know that I'm gay! For obvious reasons! I mean, come on, I know church boy over here is uncomfortable just being near me!" Fin looked pointedly toward Elliot.

"That's not true!" Olivia assured.

"Oh really?" Fin growled, standing up and leaning forward so his face was a few inches from Elliot's, "tell me, church boy, tell me it doesn't bother you that you work side-by-side with a faggot!" Fin sneered at Elliot, trying to bait him into some kind of reaction.

"Get off of me," Elliot barked, pushing Fin away harder than he had meant to. Fin stumbled backwards; he had forgotten about his battered body and was surprised when he fell to the ground hard.

"See!" Fin tried to inject venom in his words, but the effect was ruined by the hurt expression on his face.

"It doesn't bother me that you're gay," Elliot said, cursing his outburst, "it bothers me that you're not cooperating."

Without anyone realizing it, Munch had crossed the room and was pulling Fin to his feet with a surprising amount of tenderness. Fin tried desperately to keep the blush hidden on his cheeks, but the reaction was missed by no one.

"Come on, Fin," Munch said quietly in his ear, "I know it won't make you feel better, but this is more for our peace of mind than yours." Fin looked into Munch's face; the old man was smiling apologetically.

Fin scowled at the ground before coming to a decision.

"Let's hear the other statements first, and then I'll give you mine." The determined look on the detective's face was reassuring to his colleagues, so they agreed without much thought.

* * *

"So, Nick, right?" Munch said as he opened the door to the interrogation room. He tried not to glare at the young man; he didn't know why he felt so negatively towards him. He thought it might be that the kid's soft brown hair seemed to fall perfectly on his tan head no matter what he was doing, or that his round blue eyes were so bright and open, or maybe it was because he couldn't get the way the kid had looked at Fin out of his head. This worried Munch greatly so he chose to momentarily try to forget about it.

"Yeah, Nicholas McLain." There were those flashing blue eyes again; Munch felt the sudden desire to punch the kid square in his well-sculpted face.

"Alright," Munch scowled, "you need to tell me everything you remember, from the moment Fin came into the bar to the time you so graciously barged into our crime scene."

Nick's eyebrows rose at the uncalled for hostile tone, "okay, if it'll help," Nick took a breath, "Fin started coming to the bar around two years ago, when I was first starting there. Today, Fin walked in the bar around five in the afternoon, which was weird because usually he comes after work at around ten or eleven, sometimes later; he said he was skipping. He seemed really upset, and only after a shot or two did he decide to tell me why. He said that he had..." Nick looked nervous all of the sudden, his eyes flitting over to the one-way.

"What?" Munch frowned

"Who's on the other side of that glass?"

Munch hesitated, then figured it wouldn't matter if the kid knew, "Detective Stabler, Benson, and Tutuola, our A.D.A, our psychiatrist, and our chief."

"So... All your coworkers?" Nick was fiddling guiltily with his shirt.

"Yes! For god's sake get on with it!" Munch barked, getting more irritated by the second by how unnervingly cute the action was.

"Well, Fin told me he had... Come out to one if his coworkers and it... Hadn't gone well," Nick stared apologetically at the one-way, like he could see Fin and was apologizing for betraying his confidence,

"He said he was upset because he'd been... In love with this coworker... Since the moment they met."

By this time, Munch's face was burning and slack-jawed, "oh, um, I see, uh," Munch's tongue suddenly felt too large in his mouth, "okay, continue..."

Behind the glass, the rest of the team was tried not to stare from Fin to Munch in shock, but failed miserably.

"Right," Nick coughed, "well, he was quieter than usual so I left him to his thoughts until about seven. By then, I couldn't take how miserable he looked, so I went over to try to cheer him up. I told him he was going to die alone if he didn't learn to smile a little..."

"And then?" Munch asked, having recovered slightly.

"Well..." Nick's lips twitched upwards in a small smile, "he told me to stop calling him sweetheart."

Munch felt the strange urge to snicker at the small rejection.

"I told him he wasn't bad-looking and that I'd seen about three guys who'd seemed interested in him just tonight, that is, before he turned and scowled at them." Nick smirked playfully, but then it faded slightly, "Then he said I was delusional, that they probably were just staring because he'd probably arrested them at some point, or something. He said 'No one wants a forty-something-year-old, black cop'," Nick was now frowning at his shoes, "I told him not to be so sure of that because I was pretty damn attracted to him when he first started coming to the bar... And I still kind of am"  
Munch couldn't help the scowl that formed on his lips.

Nick gave Munch an apologetic look, "then I leaned over the bar and kissed his cheek before walking off." Nick cringed under Munch's wide, horrified eyes. The younger man coughed uncomfortably, "next thing I know, Fin has locked eyes with some kid who called him dad. Fin slammed some money on the counter and bolted. The kid seemed a bit shell-shocked because he just stood there for a minute, then he followed after Fin."

"Then?" Munch asked, his voice laced with hate.

"Then I guess it was about half an hour later that I heard sirens, so I walked out to see what was happening," Nick shrugged tiredly, "that's when I saw you holding Fin."

"Okay," Munch coughed and stood from his seat, "that should be good, thanks." Munch walked quickly to the door before this kid managed to embarrass him further.

It wasn't until Munch stepped out if the room that he remembered that everyone, including Fin, had been there listening. Munch ducked his head in a very un-Munch-like way and gave a nervous cough, "I, um, don't think he did it." Munch stared at a very interesting piece of wall.

"You think?" Cragen quipped before smirking; he was enjoying watching Munch squirm.

"Let's get Ken in there now," Olivia said

"Do we have to?" Elliot asked, "Hasn't the kid been through enough?"

"You know we have to, Elliot," Olivia said sadly, "we don't have a choice."

* * *

"Okay, Ken," Olivia said soothingly as she took the seat across from the tired looking boy, "just relax, okay?"

"You know, I'm never here for anything good," Ken said as a half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood.

"I'll try to get you through as fast as I can," Olivia promised, placing her hand comfortingly on top of Ken's.

"Right, so, I just tell you what happened, right?" Ken frowned

"Right," Olivia nodded

"Okay, well, my boyfriend and I have been trying out new bars recently. Today, we decided to visit this little hole-in-the-wall gay bar a friend told us about. When I walked in, I saw my dad sitting at the bar with some twink bartender kissing his cheek. I didn't know what to do, I froze. I just stood there and stared at him. After a second he saw me, he looked like a... A deer in the headlights, you know. He just slapped some money on the counter and before he bolted, that stupid little whore bartender called him sweetheart! Can you believe that? I was shocked, I couldn't move for minute. Eventually, I ran out after him. I heard some noises in the alley so I went to see what it was and... Oh God," Ken looked like he was going to be sick, "there were like five or six guys... One had dad... Bent over... One had his... In dad's mouth... The other ones were... They were just standing there, jerking off and mocking Dad... I've never seen my dad cry before... I yelled and... Dad was able to fight them off for a second, long enough to look in my eyes before those perverts smashed his face into the ground!" Ken was near sobbing, but he couldn't stop now, "And they just kept going... I didn't know what to do... I remembered that dad had given me his partner's, number in case of an emergency... So I called him and told him what was happening... He said he was on his way... I couldn't breathe, I wanted to kill them, but there were so many of them... I just slid down the wall and curled up, all I could hear we're their voices... Then you guys showed up..." Ken was fisting his eyes harshly, trying vainly to wipe away his tears.

"Can you describe the men?" Olivia asked softly, horrified.

"No..." Ken whimpered, "It was dark and they were all wearing hoodies. I could pick out their voices though."

"Thank you, Ken." Olivia patted his shoulder before exiting the room.

She stopped after she closed the door behind her and looked at where they were all standing, frozen. Fin had his forehead pressed against the cold glass, his eyes were tightly shut. She took comfort in the fact that Munch was rubbing small, slow circles on Fin's shoulder.

* * *

Munch felt like he was in a dream. He saw his hand placed so tenderly on Fin's slightly shaking shoulders, but he couldn't quite register it. He watched himself walk side-by-side with Fin into the interrogation room, his hand still pressed onto Fin's back. He guided Fin to his seat and just took the seat beside his partner, feeling utterly useless. He seemed to wake slightly when Elliot and Olivia walked somberly into the room after them.

"Fin," Olivia said, "I'm going to need you to tell me everything that happened."

Fin looked up at her with glazed, distant eyes. He sighed in such a way that made the detectives' hearts break at the pure dejected-ness of it.

"Okay," he didn't look at them, "yesterday evening, after work, I followed Munch home. He had seemed upset, so I was worried."

Munch started to feel slightly panicked, he hasn't known Fin was going to tell THAT part if the story.

"I got there and Munch wouldn't answer the door... So I let myself in with the key he had given me. I couldn't find him at first, but eventually I found him in..." Fin hesitated, "his bedroom."

Munch let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"We got to talking and... Eventually arguing... We started arguing because he said that... All the victims like me, all the women... 'Fall for me'... I told him they had bad taste, judgment, and... Gay-dar... I didn't mean to tell him, but I was angry... I panicked afterwards... So I ran out of his apartment." Fin was frowning and Munch was staring guiltily at the younger man, "after that, I drove home. It was late by the time I finally fell asleep, I didn't wake up the next morning until nearly three. I couldn't face Munch, so I took a shower and drove to the bar... I've been going there nearly every day for two years. I was still pretty upset, and I guess Nick..." Fin didn't miss how Munch flinched at the name, "Nick noticed and after a few drinks, he finally got me to tell him. After that, he left me alone for a while, but came back around at about seven. We were talking and I had started to feel better... That is until I saw Ken standing there like I'd just slapped him in the face. I panicked, so I ran... Again. I stopped in the alley beside the bar; I didn't see those guys until one of them slammed my face into the wall..." Fin started to pale, "next thing I know... He's got my pants down and..." Fin took in a heavy breath.

"You can slow down if you want," Olivia offered, looking a little sick.

Fin just shook his head, "One of them asked what was the matter, and he asked if I'm not usually on the receiving end. Then... He was... Inside me. 'You're not even fighting it,' another one of them said, 'he must like it'. I felt sick, there were so many of them... I couldn't do anything... it didn't help when one of 'em shoved their... shoved their dick down my throat. 'That's right' they said, 'you do like it, don't you? You piece of shit'." Fin was saying most of it out of spite now, reliving every second in order to punish himself for some... Cosmic reason he didn't understand, "then I heard Ken scream. I was able to fight them off long enough to see him. He looked... So Disgusted... So scared. Then one of them slammed my face into the ground. I remember wondering why Ken didn't try to stop them, didn't do anything... But... He was watching his old man getting... Raped... I know he was in shock. They only stopped when they heard sirens, they told me... They hoped I enjoyed it..." Fin was finished with his story, so he let himself shut down. No one spoke for a while, there were no words to be spoken.

It didn't seem real to any of them. In a sick kind of way, they had always expected one of them to end up in their current situation, but they had all expected Olivia. That was the normal thing to think. To think that Fin, the strong, smart ass, ex-narc was the one to be on the other side of the victim chair, that was something no one had even considered.

Even after there was a knock on the window encouraging them to move on with the investigation, they felt like everything was moving in slow motion. The detectives could almost hear Wong's voice saying, "they're in shock, it will take some time for them to come to the realization that all of this is really happening."

"Did you see their faces?" Olivia asked with a shaky voice.

"Liv," Fin said with a soft, tired voice, "if I had, I would've told you already. You know that."

Olivia just nodded, "Yeah, I know."

They were all vaguely aware that the door was being opened.

"Hey, it's almost two in the morning," Cragen said through the half-opened door, "let's go home, guys, we'll deal with this all tomorrow."

They all nodded in a numb sort of way before slowly getting up from their chairs and trudging through the door.

"First," Cragen looked apologetically at Fin and Munch, "you two, in my office."

If this had been a normal situation, something akin to dread might have washed over the pair, but they were too spent to care right then.

"What do you want?" Munch frowned as Cragen shut the door behind them.

"I want to know what 'argument' went down last night and exactly what that kid meant by 'it hadn't gone well'." Cragen barked at the pair more forcefully than he had intended.

"It's just like what I said in my testimony. I got angry, said things I didn't mean to say." Fin said, staring at Cragen with dull eyes.  
"Really? And why were you so angry?" Cragen pressed.

Fin looked down at the floor and offered the older man no more answers.

"I told him that I felt too much during cases," Munch said quickly after he took a breath, "I told him it would be easier if I could just be numb to it all because... I get so wrapped up in these cases... It's like they each take a piece out of me." Munch had suddenly found a very interesting piece of tile to stare at on the floor, "he told me that I'm a good detective because I feel so much... I told him that was easy for him to say when all the victims attach to him and all the women fall in love with him."

"We argued about that for a minute before I started to get pissed..." Fin continued, "I was angry and I just... Blurted it out."

"That you're gay?" Cragen finished

Fin nodded

"Can we go home now?" Munch asked, irritated by Cragen's question.

"Just one more thing," Cragen said with a frown, "will this be an issue?" The question was geared more towards Munch, "because if it is, I can split you two up, if it'll help."

Munch could've strangled the older man, not because he was questioning his loyalty, but because of the way the question made Fin shrink farther into himself. He could see Fin was just waiting for him to tell Cragen that he needed to switch partners, that he couldn't stand to work with some faggot.

"I think we'll be just fine, Captain." Munch gave Cragen a short nod before placing a hand on the small of Fin's back and leading him gently out of the room.

The pair didn't see the small smile that appeared on their captain's face.

* * *

**R&R!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I feel weird for shipping this sometimes... like, I feel like this is a very frowned upon fandom... But, I love it so I guess I don't really care. Anyway, hope you enjoy**

* * *

They didn't speak; even when Munch offered Fin a ride it was with a faint nod and a gesture of the hand, then Fin just climbed in the car. The ride was silent, even when the rain started and the windshield wipers began their methodic trek along the glass, nothing seemed to make noise.

Munch occasionally looked over at his partner out of the corner of his eye, but the gaze was never returned. Fin sat rigid in the upholstered seat, his head leaned back so he was facing the ceiling, his lips drawn into a line and his eyes staring ahead without actually seeing anything at all. Munch had never seen his partner like that.

It was surreal to Munch; when he looked over, Fin would seem cold, distant, reserved, unfeeling, but then Munch would look again and he seemed tired, defeated, and very small. Fin was not supposed to be controversial. Fin was supposed to be the one strong, unmoving, constant thing in Munch's life.

It pained him more than he wanted to admit, to see his partner like that. It made it worse that he felt like it was his fault.

Munch had made up his mind before he could second guess himself, he knew Fin would argue, but he had to make it right. He held his breath as he pulled into the parking lot of his own apartment building and turned off the engine.

Fin didn't even look down to know where they were, "I'm not going in your apartment, Munch."

He was slightly taken aback, despite the fact that he knew Fin would say something like that.

"Munch, I said no." Fin scowled as he finally looked over at the older man, "take me home."

"No," Munch said softly, "no, this is my fault, I need to fix it."

Fin stared at him for a second before sneering, "Really? And how exactly do you plan on doin' that?"

Munch was surprised by Fin's attitude; he had expected resistance, not hostility, "I," Munch swallowed, "I don't know."

Fin kept staring at Munch with the face he had only seen him use when the younger man was sizing up a rather repulsive perp. "Tell me how you plan on fixing it," Fin demanded.

"I don't know!" Munch's voice rose as he felt more and more panicked.

"What do plan on happening?" Fin insisted, his voice growing more and more aggressive.

"I don't know!" Munch felt very close to tears and that made him nervous, "I don't know! I just need to fix this! I should have chased you down and grabbed your arm, told you it was okay, told you… anything." His voice began to fade to a whisper, "I should have gone after you, held you, made it okay. Instead, I let you leave; I let you think you disgusted me. I should've just held you. Now I'm afraid…" Munch looked away from Fin, choosing to stare out the window instead of facing the man he had sworn to protect, "I'm afraid I've lost you."

They sat in silence for a long time, or maybe it was only a few minutes. Eventually, Munch worked up the nerve to look back over at the man beside him. Fin was still staring at him, but his expression was more tired than angry and when he finally spoke, it sounded more hurt than hostile.

"Don't be stupid." It was Fin's turn to stare out the window, "you're just trying to make this better." Fin would have preferred, at that moment, to be anywhere else as long as he didn't have to sit there beside Munch, "you don't really mean it. You don't mean any of it. You just feel bad for me. I don't want you to feel bad for me. I never meant to tell you, I never wanted you to know," that was a lie. Fin had thought about telling Munch every day, "If I could take it back, I would," another lie.

Fin stopped, but only to permit himself a shaky breath, a breath that broke Munch's heart.

"I want you to forget it. I want you to forget everything, but I know that's not going to happen, so if you want to change partners I think it might be best."

Munch couldn't believe what he was hearing; he didn't want to believe it. Did Fin really think he was going to change partners now?

"I don't want to forget." Munch flinched at the piercing glare Fin suddenly shot at him.

"Oh, you don't want to forget?" Fin yelled, "Well I do! I want to forget everything! I want to forget you! I wish I had never met you! I wish I hadn't gone to your apartment yesterday to make sure you were okay! I wish Ken hadn't called you! I wish you never would've showed up! I wish-"

"You wish they had killed you?" Munch asked, cutting into Fin's rage, leaving the car suddenly very quiet. "Is that really what you want? You wish they had killed you?" Fin didn't answer, he just looked away. "When did you start acting like a victim? I have never seen you act sorry for yourself! Is this really what brings you to the edge, Odafin? You want to die because, what? Because you got raped? Because Ken saw it? Because we found out you're gay? Because we found out that you love me? Those are terrible reasons. You got raped, it was terrible, but you're okay. Ken saw it, that was terrible, but he's not going to think any less of you. We found out you're gay, so what, we don't care. We found out you're in love with me, is that really that bad? Last time I checked, you seem to have forgotten to ask me my opinion. Have you ever thought that maybe I feel the same way? Why is it that you're automatically thinking the worst of me? Stop acting like a victim, you're stronger than that. You're Odafin Tutuola. You're the strongest man I know."

Fin sat in stunned silence, unsure what to do. Munch was satisfied with his partner's reaction, so with a slight smile, he got out of the car and before Fin could follow Munch had already circled around and opened the car door, where he stood with an umbrella in one hand and the other outstretched towards the stunned detective.

Fin took the offered hand shakily and was gently guided out of the car. He didn't protest as Munch pulled him close to his chest, muttering something about making sure neither of them got wet and he let himself be led up the stairs to the all too familiar apartment. It wasn't until they got to the doorway that Fin pulled back slightly.

Munch looked at the other man, eyebrow raised.

"I'm not going in with that… torture chamber in there," Fin said with defiance.

Munch gave Fin a sad smile, "Don't worry, after your dramatic exit, I burned it all, so no worries."

Fin was surprised, but didn't protest as Munch gently pressed on his back and guided him inside.

"You go take a shower," Munch said softly, "I'll make us some tea."

Fin only nodded, suddenly realizing how good a shower sounded.

Once Munch pointed Fin in the direction of the bathroom, he busied himself with the kettle and then pulling extra blankets and pillows from the linen closet. By the time Fin was out of the shower, Munch had made up a neat bed on the couch and was in the process of pouring the tea.

Unfortunately for Munch, Fin came out in nothing but a towel, which was wrapped loosely around his waist. The older man didn't notice that his mouth hung open and that his face was burning a bright red until he was jolted out of his stupor when the boiling water he had been pouring into a mug started to overfill and spill onto the counter and his hand.

"Shit," Munch yelped, setting the kettle down quickly, he faced away from Fin and turned on the faucet so he could both run his burned hand under the cool water and hide his still red face.

"You okay, man?" Fin asked, a smirk audible in his voice.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." Munch spluttered, cursing at himself under his breath. After a minute, he had calmed down enough to turn off the faucet and face Fin.

The younger man was sitting across from Munch at the island counter, a look of utter delight poorly hidden on his features. Munch willed the burning blush to recede as he finished preparing the tea, handing one to Fin and trying to seem utterly interested with his own drink and not with the mostly naked man before him.

"Your boney ass doesn't have anything I could fit into, does it?" Fin asked softly, "I got those clothes from the precinct, but…"

"Yeah," Munch interrupted with a smile, "I think I have something." He was grateful for the distraction as he walked into his bedroom. It wasn't until he was walking back that he realized he would have to explain why he had clothes exactly Fin's size. He didn't want to admit to Fin that he had purchased several articles of clothing specifically for Fin on the off chance that Munch's prayers would be answered and Fin would find himself sleeping in Munch's apartment overnight. So, hoping Fin wouldn't question it, Munch handed the other man the clothes.

"Oh, thanks," Munch was about to let himself breathe normally, but then Fin continued, "So, why do you have clothes here that are my size?"

Munch felt his face burn even worse than before, "I, um," Munch stared down at his feet, "I might have… bought them."

"Why?" Fin pressed, finding the situation very amusing.

"Because," Munch took a breath and decided that if he was going to tell Fin, this was the best time, "because, I was hoping that one day you might come over and… not… leave… so I figured I should keep some clothes your size so that… you… wouldn't have to wear the same outfit to work the next morning…" Munch took in a deep breath and looked tentatively up at Fin.

Fin was staring at him, mouth open and stunned for the second time that hour.

"Yeah," Munch said before ducking away and cleaning up the water he had spilled on the counter and floor.

"Really?" Fin asked with a disbelieving voice, "you're not lying to me, right?"

"I'm not lying, Oda," Munch said with a small smile.

Fin felt tears prick his eyes as he stared at the clothes in his hands.

"Thanks, John," Fin said softly

"Told you that you should've asked my opinion," Munch smirked, "now go get dressed."

Fin obeyed with a shy nod before making his way back to the bathroom.

Munch stared around his apartment, it had always seemed so hollow, but now it felt more like the home Munch could never seemed to find. He was still staring absent-mindedly at the wall when Fin stepped quietly out of the bathroom, now adorned in a soft, maroon, cotton t-shirt which hung loosely around the drawstring waistband of the blue and white checked pajama pants.

Upon noticing the blanket covered couch, Fin made his way over to it and was in the process of sitting down when Munch finally drifted back into reality.

"No, no, no," Munch exclaimed in mock horror, "you are taking the bed, I'll take the couch."

"The couch is fine, man." Fin couldn't help but smile at his partner.

"Fine will simply not do," Munch tutted theatrically as he made his way around the couch so he was standing above Fin, hands placed sternly on each boney hip. "I demand you take the bed!"

Fin scoffed good-naturedly at Munch, glad that he was finally starting to feel a bit normal again.

"I'll take that as a surrender," Munch smirked, offering Fin his hand.

Fin rolled his eyes, but allowed himself to be pulled to his feet by the older man. However, Fin was not prepared for Munch to be so strong, just like Munch was not prepared for Fin to be so light, which resulted in Munch pulling incredibly too hard and causing the both of them to topple back onto the carpet below them.

Both men were momentarily stunned and it took a moment to register what had happened, but when their brains did finally catch up with their bodies, it only took seconds to realize their position. Munch was flat on his back with one leg pressing between Fin's, while Fin was on top of Munch with a knee on either side of the older man's hips. This would have been fine, if not for the fact that both men were nose to nose, which allowed each to look into the other's dark brown eyes.

Munch was the first to move, but it was not to get out of their current position. On the contrary, Munch found one of his hands snaking around to the back of Fin's neck while the other ghosted around his waist. Had Munch taken even a second to consider his actions, he would've remembered how bad of an idea it was, but he didn't. Munch was not thinking as he raised his leg higher so his thigh was pressed against the already impressive bulge of the man lying atop him, nor as he yanked lightly at Fin's ponytail and tightened his grip around the younger man's torso.

Munch had taken Fin completely by surprise, so for a moment, Fin almost forgot what had happened earlier. He had forgotten the attack, forgotten the fear and the hurt, but it didn't last long.

Too soon, Fin was set into panic, pushing himself away from Munch as if he had been burned. His breathing came in shallow gasps, his head was spinning and all he could hear were the voices that had surrounded him not hours before. He was aware of gentle hands being placed on his shaking shoulders, but it took him a few minutes to calm down enough to register his surroundings. He looked up through tired and, to his disgust, tear-brimmed eyes into the face of Munch.

Munch's lips were drawn into a tight, worried frown and his eyes were pleading behind his glinting eyeglasses.

"I'm sorry," Munch whispered, "I didn't mean to… I wasn't thinking."

Fin looked apologetically up at his partner, suddenly feeling very tired, "I know."

Munch nodded and tried to smile, but failed, so he hid his expression by standing and offering a hand to Fin once more.

Fin allowed himself to be pulled to his feet and led quietly into the bedroom, where the bed was neatly made and looked like it was hardly ever slept in.

Munch said nothing as he pulled the comforter away from the pillows so Fin could climb into their welcoming comfort.

"Good night," Munch said with thinly veiled guilt in his voice as he smoothed the blankets around his partner. He wanted more than anything to curl up next to Fin, to protect him and hold him tight and make sure no one ever hurt him again, but Munch knew better. So, he offered Fin a final, weak smile before turning and starting towards the doorway.

"Wait," the voice was soft, and so different from the usual gruff drawl that usually came from the sturdy detective.

Munch turned, not daring to hope for the one thing he wanted most.

"Stay," Fin wasn't looking at Munch, he was turned away from him all together, already tangled in the warmth of the blankets.

"Are you sure?" Munch asked tentatively.

"I…" Fin drew in a resigning breath, "I don't want to be alone right now."

That was all the invitation Munch needed before he was eagerly tugging off his work shirt and pants, leaving him in a white undershirt and blue boxers. He felt a smile creep onto his face as he crawled into the bed, letting himself enjoy the soft blankets. Fin's back was still to him, and while Munch would've been perfectly happy with playing the big spoon, he decided it would be best not to test his luck, so he settled on turning so their backs were pressed against each other, which Fin did not protest to.

Neither was sure who fell asleep first, but when it did come to them, it was the steady rhythm of the other's breathing that lulled them into the first restful sleep either of the men had gotten in years.

* * *

**Please send me a review! Just let me know I'm not alone on this ship!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so fucking tired, haha, I really need to start trying to get some sleep... that's never gonna happen though**

* * *

Fin woke up very slowly the next morning, which was surprising for him since usually he spent his nights tossing and turning, drifting from nightmare to nightmare before giving up and ending up sitting awake in a lonely bed until the sun came up.

It was pleasant, Fin decided, to wake up slowly, to be able to balance yourself between consciousness before have to start the day.

When Fin decided it was time to open his eyes, he was momentarily confused. This was not his bed, this was not his apartment, and there was someone looking down at him. Through the morning haze in Fin's brain, he was forced to blink several times before he remembered where he was and who he was with. Once he did remember, he felt a surge of joy and excitement that he had not felt in years, but it was short lived. Because, to remember where he was and who he was with, was also to remember why.

Suddenly, Fin felt very heavy, the pleasantness he had started out with was marred by the crushing recollection of what had happened the night before.

"You know, I figured that expression on your face wouldn't last long." Munch said as he smiled sadly down at Fin, "I was hoping it would take you longer to remember."

Fin didn't reply to the comment, he just curled farther into the blankets, not wanting to give up their warmth.

"How are you feeling?" Munch asked. He was propped slightly up on the headboard so he could watch Fin, still dressed in nothing but an undershirt and boxers.

"Fucked," Fin retorted, there was no anger in his voice, but it was heavy and it pained the two men just as much.

Munch wasn't sure what to say, so he decided to sink back on the bed so he was lying beside Fin. "It'll be okay, Oda." Munch turned on his side so he was facing the other man.

Fin let out a breath before turning to face Munch. He didn't say anything; instead he reached out a tentative hand and placed it lightly on Munch's cheek. Fin felt comforted as the temperature of Munch's face rose under his palm.

"Everything's going to be okay, it'll get back to normal soon," Munch said as he leaned into the dark, calloused hand.

"No, it's not," Fin said somberly, staring into Munch's so rarely uncovered eyes, "it'll never be normal again, but," Fin ran his thumb over Munch's cheek bone thoughtfully, "maybe it'll be better." He shot Munch a shy smile, "I think it'll be better now."

Munch stared at Fin in wonder, drinking in every rough feature, every tired line on his partners face. "I think you're right," Munch inched himself closer to the man beside him so that the tips of their noses touched, "everything is going to be better."

Slowly, so as not to startle Fin, Munch tilted his head upward and planted a light kiss to the end of Fin's nose.

When Munch looked back down, there was a dark blush covering the younger man's cheeks as he looked shyly up at Munch.

And even though the next thing Fin did was done at a tentative and careful speed, Munch felt a surge of surprise when he felt Fin's lips press against his own in the softest, most stunning kiss Munch had ever experienced. With his mind high on euphoria, Munch returned the kiss with just as much gentleness as Fin had shown him, even though he longed to deepen it. When they broke apart, neither was certain what to say, neither was sure anything needed to be said. It wasn't until Munch caught sight of a single tear making a glistening path down Fin's cheek that the silence was broken.

"Are you okay?" Munch felt a familiar pang of guilt, worried that he had pushed Fin too far again.

"Yeah," Fin said in a voice so soft Munch had to strain to hear it, "definitely okay." And just when Munch didn't think his heart could take much more, Fin closed the distance between them as he pressed his face against Munch's chest. As Munch began to stroke Fin's hair, he felt his heart break.

"Dammit, Oda," Munch said with a shaky voice, "I'm never going to let anyone hurt you ever again." Fin didn't reply, but Munch felt the dampness on the front of his shirt increase as more tears broke free from his partner's eyes.

They stayed like that for a long time, Fin's face pressed into Munch's chest as Munch ran his fingers through the soft strands of black hair until Fin drifted back to sleep.

Comforted by the foreign warmth beside him, Munch soon followed Fin into dreams filled with chaste kisses and soft touches.

* * *

"Um, hello?" a voice broke through the Munch's warm veil of sleep, "hello?"

Munch was surprised by the sheer amount of panic he felt at that moment, suddenly realizing that someone was not only in the apartment, but in the doorway of the bedroom. His years of experience in the NYPD kicked his senses into overdrive as he used one hand to grab the gun he had set on the nightstand and use the rest of himself to shelter Fin from whatever dangers were standing in only a few feet away.

"Wow, wow, calm down," the voice said quickly as Munch cocked and pointed his gun at the figure he couldn't see since his glasses were on the nightstand and he had run out of hands.

"If you take one step forward I will not hesitate to shoot," Munch warned, his voice shaking slightly from the cocktail of emotions running through him.

This was when Fin woke up.

"Hey, woah, what the hell…" Fin said in an extremely confused voice.

"It's Teresa, it's me for God sakes, put that gun down!" the voice, one Munch now realized was female, retorted with an irritated tone.

"Oh," Munch said, feeling suddenly extremely tired from the emotional strain he had just endured. He lowered his gun to the bed, his hand shaking violently as he attempted to reach for and put on his glasses. After several futile tries, Munch was surprised when Fin took the glasses from his hands and placed them gently on his partner's face.

"You okay?" Fin asked in a worried voice, noticing how shaken up Munch was.

"Yeah," Munch breathed, "sorry." He looked up at Teresa, who was still standing in the doorway with an unreadable expression on her face. "I heard someone in the apartment, I thought…" Munch looked desperately at Fin, "I thought it was… It thought they would…" Munch's sentences came out in incoherent bursts.

"Hey, hey," Fin cut off Munch's rambling as he grasped Munch's hand comfortingly, "breathe, okay? Everything's okay, I'm okay." Fin smiled softly at Munch as he brought the older man's hand up to plant a soothing kiss on the still shaking knuckles.

They had forgotten about their unwelcome guest until she made an irritated coughing noise that pulled their attention away from each other.

"What're you doin' here?" Fin asked in a tired voice. He didn't have the energy or desire to deal with his ex-wife at that moment and wished she would just go away.

"Well, Ken came dragging his ass in at some ungodly hour of the morning looking like he'd just gone to hell and back." Teresa said with a less than amused tone, "when I ask what the hell happened, he tells me that you were attacked and that he saw it, so you all had him down at your precinct filing a witness report for God knows how long," she gave an exasperated sigh, "now I hesitate to ask, but why would the Special Victims Unit be dealing with you getting mugged in an alley?"

Munch could've punched her.

Fin sat there staring at her with a blank expression, looking like he had before in the car ride over, Munch hated seeing Fin like that.

"Look," Munch said to her, "how about you and I go-"

"I wasn't mugged," Fin interrupted, his voice was a calm monotone, but the atmosphere around him had changed. It was heavy and Munch felt like he was choking on it. "I was sitting in a bar when Ken walked in and saw me, I panicked and ran out. I stopped in the alley outside to catch my breath when someone smashed my face into the wall."

"Fin," Munch said with a sad, worried voice, but Fin just kept talking.

"There were about six of them so I didn't flash my badge; I figured it would make it worse. Next thing I know they've got me bent over," Fin ignored the small noise that escaped his ex-wife's throat, "I heard Ken yell, and I guess he called Munch," Fin looked up at the ceiling and tried to control his breathing, "They heard the sirens so they finished up and bolted." Fin ran a hand down his face before looking back over at Teresa with an eerie coolness, "sorry we kept Ken up. I know it was an inconvenience."

"God, I…" Teresa stared at Fin in shock, "Who… I mean how… why, why did you panic when you saw Ken?"

"It was a gay bar." Fin said with a deadpanned look on his face that sent chills up Munch's spine.

Teresa looked taken aback, despite the fact that she had just walked in on the two men curled up next to each other on a bed, she hadn't exactly registered the weight of what was unfolding before her eyes.

"Oda," Munch said in a soft voice, "go take a shower, okay?"

Fin looked like he was going to argue for a second before he nodded and climbed out of the warm bed. When Fin passed Teresa in the doorway, he said nothing.

* * *

Once Fin was out of sight, Munch swung his feet to the floor with a sigh.

"So, how did you get in my apartment?" Munch asked, looking at the shell shocked woman over the top of his glasses.

"I, um," she muttered and averted her eyes, "I went to Fin's apartment first, when I realized he wasn't there I called the precinct and they said he was probably here. Fin had a spare key to your apartment in a drawer, so I drove over and when no one answered I let myself in."

Munch nodded, too tired to be angry. He walked silently over to his closet where he pulled out a black robe and pulled it over his thin frame.

"Come to the kitchen, I'll make coffee." He said as he walked passed her.

Munch would've been lying if he said that he didn't feel uncomfortable as the woman sat at the island counter, the only noise coming from the sound of Fin's shower running.

"How long?" Teresa asked suddenly

"How long what?" Munch asked, irritated with the woman's presents and not in the mood to talk to her.

"How long have you two been…" she trailed off, leaving an awkward silence in her wake.

"Since about four this morning, I suppose," Munch answered with a cynical roll of his eyes.

Another awkward silence.

"How is he?" She said in a soft voice

"Better than most," Munch answered honestly, "he's pretty shaken, but so far he seems to be handling it pretty well, really well, actually. Usually it takes victims months or years to feel comfortable enough for human touch."

Teresa suddenly flushed a deep red, "you two had… right after he was…" Munch was almost amused by the look of horror on her face.

"That's not what I said," Munch sighed, "I meant that he let me hold his hand and stroke his hair and kiss his nose, and that he kissed me." Munch felt a strange mixture of pride and anger at the disgusted look on her face.

"I see," she muttered, suddenly looking like she was in the last place she ever wanted to be.

They heard Fin's shower turn off and they looked toward the doorway in anticipation. After a moment, Fin came walking out with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"John," Fin said looking sheepish, "do you have some clothes for me?"

"Of course," Munch smiled warmly, glad for the excuse to get away from the woman at his counter. He took a moment to run a hand through Fin's still wet hair and give him a light kiss on the forehead before making his way to his room.

"I…" Teresa said, not able to look Fin in the eyes, "I'm sorry about…"

"Yeah," Fin cut her off, "I get it, I didn't mean for you to find out… especially not like this."

"You know I would've found out. You know this can't be a secret, the tabloids follow your unit like a love-sick puppy, there is no way they'll let this go if they find out." She wasn't trying to be hateful; she was worried for him despite how she had responded initially.

"You're probably right," Fin stared at the bedroom door that Munch had gone through, "I just want to enjoy it right now, you know? Before all the shit starts, I just want to sit here with him and enjoy it."

"You love him?"

"Since the day I met him," He admitted in a very un-Fin like way.

Teresa nodded slowly, "I'm happy for you, I really am," she got down from the stool she had been sitting on, "it's going to be okay, you take some time off." She walked up to him, her ex-husband, the man she had once loved and still did in a platonic kind of way, and placed a soft hand on his cheek, "for once, Fin, let yourself be happy. Just enjoy what you have and don't let it go," she made her way over to the door to leave, but before she stepped out of the apartment, she added one last thing, "and talk to your son, he needs to know that you're okay, he's worried sick."

"I'll handle it, don't worry." Fin tried to smile at her, but it was unnatural and pained.

Once she was gone, Munch came out of the bedroom, clothes in hand.

"Well, that was delightful," Munch muttered sardonically, handing Fin the bundle with a comically raised eyebrow.

"So, do we have to worry about any of your ex-wives barging in here?" Fin quipped, feeling better now that it was just him and Munch.

"Hardly," Munch rolled his eyes, "go get changed, that towel is killing me." Munch smirked at the shy blush that covered Fin's cheeks as he returned to the bathroom.

* * *

Fin called Ken after he put on clothes.

When Ken did arrive an hour later, he let himself in.

While Ken was about the last person to have negative opinions on gay couples, obviously, it still caught him slightly off guard when he walked in to see Munch seated on a large couch, and Fin asleep with his head rested on Munch's lap. Munch was stroking Fin's hair, which he hadn't bothered to tie up in its usual fashion, with such tenderness that Ken had never seen before. Munch was so engrossed in Fin, he didn't even notice Ken in the doorway.

Munch was studying Fin's relaxed features, he seemed younger, more fragile, and that scared him.

"Munch?" Ken said, knocking lightly on the door frame.

Munch jumped, immediately moving to protect Fin, but seeing who it was, he relaxed quickly.

"Hey, kid," Munch said quietly as to not wake Fin, "sorry, I didn't hear you come in."

"I heard you've been jumpy," Ken smiled softly as he made his way over to arm chair beside the couch, "Mom said you about shot her."

"In my defense," Munch smirked, "she did walk in my bedroom unannounced."

Ken gave a small laugh, before staring at the two detectives. Fin was sleeping soundly, his back to Ken. It was unreal to him, his dad so vulnerable. Ken had grown up seeing Fin as some untouchable deity, an unreachable God whom he could never do right by and never be good enough for. Fin was always collected, distant, unfeeling and now, for the first time, Ken was seeing all the walls Fin had put up collapsing around him.

"How is he?" Ken asked

"As good as he can be, I guess," Munch sighed, "he needs rest, and time."

"Mom said you guys are…" Ken gave a pointed look towards Munch's hand that was still running through Fin's hair soothingly.

Munch didn't answer, he didn't need to.

"He needs you right now," Ken said quietly, "I'm glad he has you to look after him."

"I think I make it worse," Munch said with a slight frown, "I'm just… this wasn't supposed to happen. He is supposed to be the strong one, the untouchable one… I never thought…"

"You never thought someone could hurt him this bad."

"Yeah," Munch muttered, "now everything's a threat, now I think everything is out to hurt him… I'm going to smother him," Munch laughed bitterly, "I just can't let him get hurt again, I can't…" Munch's voice died off as he stared down at Fin.

"You know," Ken said thoughtfully, "I don't think anyone has ever actually tried to take care of him before. He's just always been so distant, pushing everyone away, I guess we all just figured he could handle it himself. It must have been lonely, miserable. I'm his son, I should've been there for him all these years, and instead I just gave up." Ken sounded miserable and Munch wished everything could just go back to how it had been before.

"John," Fin muttered suddenly in a sleepy voice, causing the other two to jump.

"Hey, Ken's here," Munch said quietly, stroking Fin's hair still.

"Hey, kid," Fin said groggily, turning so he was facing Ken.

"Hey, dad," Ken said in a shaky voice.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Fin asked as he sat up, worry growing on his face as he saw how upset Ken was.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Ken offered Fin a watery smile.

"Bull," Fin rubbed his eyes to try and drive the bleariness away, "you alright, kid? Sorry I was asleep, meant to be awake when you got here."

"It's fine," Ken smiled, "John and I were just talking."

"I see," Fin shot them both a smirk, "well that's why you're upset, talking to John for long periods of time would make anyone cry."

They laughed, happy to lighten the mood a bit.

"Hey, how about I make some dinner?" John asked Fin, wanting to give the father time alone with his son.

"Sure," Fin smiled, planting a soft kiss on Munch's lips.

It wasn't until Munch had walked away with a bright smile on his tired face, that Fin remembered that he had just kissed another man in front of his son.

"Oh, uh," Fin stuttered, blushing, "sorry, I, um,"

"Dad, it's okay," Ken smiled, "relax, I'm happy for you."

Fin didn't say anything for a while, just stared at his hands.

"You know, I'm sorry I reacted how I did when I found out you're gay." Fin muttered sheepishly, "I had just been hoping that… maybe you wouldn't have to go through the same things I did."

"Yeah, I figured that out, dad," Ken smirked, leaning forwards and wrapping his arms around the detective's broad shoulders.

"I'm glad you're here, kid." Fin smiled, returning the hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay, dad." Ken said, suddenly sniffing and holding Fin tighter.

"Hey, it's alright," Fin said quietly as Ken's shoulders rattled, "everything is going to be okay."

"I was so scared, dad," Ken sniffed pathetically, "I was just so… I couldn't do anything… I just had to sit there and… listen… and…"

"Hey," Fin said sharply, trying to pull Ken's attention back before he broke down completely. "It's okay, I'm okay, and you're okay, so everything is okay, okay?"

"Okay," Ken sniffed.

"Now, how about you stay for dinner?" Fin smiled warmly, "I just hope you don't mind kosher food because that's all my Jew makes."

"What did we say about calling me your Jew, Oda?" Munch yelled playfully from the kitchen.

"Hey, I told you I'd be your Boy, John." Fin quipped back.

Ken couldn't help the smile that drew its way across his lips as he watched his normally unfeeling, distant dad take part in domestic banter

"You are my Boy," Munch smirked, walking back over to the couch adorned in a flowery apron, "don't you forget it."

"Whatever you say, Betty Crocker," Fin winked jokingly at Munch.

* * *

They had only just finished dinner when Munch's cell rang.

"Munch," he answered and after listening for a few seconds, his face paled.

"John, is everything okay?" Fin asked, looking at his partner in concern.

"Yeah, yeah," Munch said into the phone, "we'll be right over."

Munch waited a moment after clicking the phone shut to look up at Fin, whose eyebrows were drawn together in a questioning expression.

"That was Liv," Munch said in a detached voice, "wants us down at the M.E.'s ASAP."

"Is something going on?" Ken asked, feeling very out of the loop.

"They, um," Munch looked away, "found something."

"Right," Fin said stiffly as he stood from the table, "let's go."

"Can I come?" Ken asked as the pair prepared to leave.

"You sit this one out, kid," Fin said quietly, not able to meet Ken's eyes, "you go on home and I'll call ya once we're done, alright?"

Ken agreed reluctantly, watching as the men opened the front door and disappeared.

* * *

**R&R**


	6. Chapter 6

**I really need to do my homework.. I've got two 2-3 page essays due for my AP Literature class tomorrow... But Oh well! **

* * *

"Hey, you start the party without us?" Munch asked, attempting to mask his nervousness with sarcasm as he and Fin walked into the lab only to find Olivia and Elliot already in deep discussion with Melinda.

"Olivia, why did you call them?" Elliot asked harshly, concern showing through his rough features.

"Because they deserve to know everything as soon as we get it, Elliot," Olivia snapped back, ending the argument quickly.

"Right," Munch said, "so, um, good news?"

"I guess you could call it that…" Melinda said in a tentative voice, shooting an apologetic look towards Fin.

"Well, spit it out," Fin said, not enjoying the spotlight.

"Well, we had a lot of fluids…" she started with none of her usual enthusiasm.

"So we get positive IDs on any of them?" Elliot asked.

"All of them," Melinda said with a wince.

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked, surprised, "there were supposed to be like six guys, are you telling me we have all of them 'ID'ed?"

Melinda nodded.

"This can't be good," Munch groaned as she handed them a large manila envelope.

* * *

They waited to look inside the folder until they got back to the precinct, no one eager to open the gates of hell that were surly contained within the folder tucked reproachfully under Olivia's arm.

"What're you all doing here?" Cragen asked as he stuck his head out of his office to see all four of his detectives staring at the blank evidence board.

No one wanted to start the evidence board. No one wanted to pin Fin's photo up under the label Victim.

"Got the IDs," Elliot said flatly.

"Well, go ahead and start," Cragen sighed, "it's not going to just go away."

"Right," Elliot sighed, before taking a deep breath and stepping up to the board, "our victim's name is… Odafin Tutuola." As Elliot put Fin's NYPD profile picture up on the board, the case had begun.

"Okay," Olivia sighed, hating that they had to follow the procedure, "what do we know about the attack?"

"It happened approximately 9p.m. last night in the alley beside The Heist, where our victim was jumped from behind," Elliot swallowed thickly, "the victim was then raped and left in the alley. Our only other witness is the victim's son, Ken Russell," Elliot pinned a photo of Ken up beside Fin's, "who was chasing after his father when he happened upon the scene. The perps ignored Ken, which allowed Ken to call Detective Munch, who sent help to the scene. When police arrived, the perps were gone, and the victim was escorted to the hospital where he was treated for minor cuts and bruises."

"If you call me victim one more time, Stabler, I'm gonna punch you, you know that right?" Fin scowled, his humiliation growing by the minute.

"Sorry," Elliot grimaced, wishing everything could go back to normal.

"Liv, let's get this over with," Cragen said.

"Okay," Olivia frowned as she pulled the envelope from under her arm, "our first perp is Robert Gordon, next is Pablo Ramirez, then Oliver Johnston, Blake Huston, Alexander Black, and finally Freddy Winston." She pinned up each as she named them, "Robert was found guilty of the rape and murder of three women that worked at his hotel. Pablo was found guilty of beating and raping his wife. Oliver was found guilty of molesting nine five year old boys in his daycare program. Blake was found guilty of trafficking underage girls. Alexander was found guilty of the murder of a young mother and her new born baby during at convenience store robbery. Finally, Freddy was found guilty of soliciting his three year old step-daughter through a kitty porn website."

"Okay, so far all they've got in common is that they're scumbags." Elliot scowled.

"No," Fin said suddenly, looking harder at all of the photos set up before them, "who was the officer that arrested them?"

Olivia looked at him for a moment before looking over all six profiles, "You."

* * *

It didn't take long for Olivia and Elliot to round up all six men. Elliot had to force himself not to kill every one of them on the spot.

"How are we going to handle this?" Olivia asked after each man had been contained in an interrogation room or holding cell, "Are Elliot and I just going to interview them all?"

"That will take hours," Fin piped in, "Munch and I will handle half."

"That's not a good idea," Cragen said warningly.

"Why?" Fin scowled, "If they're… homophobes… we can egg them on, if nothing else get them pissed and yelling. I deserve to be a part of this case, Captain!" Fin said defiantly, daring anyone to argue with him.

"Alright," Cragen sighed, "please, just be careful. Munch, don't kill them."

"I'll try my hardest," Munch muttered, inwardly seething just at the thought of being anywhere near the men.

* * *

"Robert Gordon," Munch scowled coldly as he closed the door behind Fin, "you're really stupid, you know that? You'd think you would have learned the first time not to leave evidence behind."

Robert didn't reply, he was busy staring intently at Fin.

"What is it, pretty boy?" Fin sneered as he tried to keep the panic that was tearing at his insides at bay, "see something you like?"

"Hardly," Robert scoffed, his upper lip curling.

"Really?" Munch snarled, "Then what were you doing about 9 p.m. yesterday?"

Robert looked up at the detectives with a smirk on his face before nodding towards Fin, "fucking him."

"You low life piece of shit," Munch growled as he rounded on the man before him and cocking back his fist.

"John," Fin warned as he placed a hand on the raised arm, guiding it back to Munch's side.

"What, are you his boyfriend or something?" Robert sneered.

"So what if I am," Munch snapped, wishing with all his heart that he could bury his fist into the man's smug face.

"Then you must be pretty pissed," Robert said with a smirk, "must be hard to know that just a few hours ago me and six other guys were riding him like a-"

Munch's fist connected with his face, cutting him off and sending him sprawling onto the floor.

"Temper, temper, Detective," Robert tutted while wiping blood off his face, "Now how do you expect to get anything out of me if you treat me like that?"

"We have your confession, we don't need anything from you," Fin barked

"How about the name of the guy who set this whole thing up?"

"Excuse me?" Munch felt like the room was spinning.

"Yeah, cut me a deal and I'll tell you everything I know."

Fin and Munch looked at each other, and then walked out of the interrogation room without a word.

* * *

After all the interviews were over, the teams regrouped. As far as they could tell, every one of the interrogations had been the same—the guy confessed (usually got punched) and then offered the deal.

"We are not giving these guys immunity," Munch said immediately.

"Obviously," Olivia said, "but we need that name. Until we have the guy who started all this, there is a possibility he could do it again."

Fin and Munch shuttered at the idea.

"Alright," Casey said as she walked into the circle, "let's go ahead to arraignment, we can make deals after we bag these assholes."

"Sounds good to me," Cragen said in a tired voice.

* * *

The next day arraignment was a fast, but painful ordeal for the members of SVU. They sat in the back as Casey convinced the judge to remand without bail with relative ease, and little opposition.

It wasn't until the detectives stepped outside the court that they were hit with the full blast of what was to come of this case.

"Detective Tutuola, how does it feel to be a victim in your own unit?"

"Detective Tutuola, did your unit already know you are gay?"

"Detective Tutuola, how did your unit react when they found out you are gay?"

"Detective Tutuola, is it true your son was present during the attack?"

"Detective Tutuola, how do you cope with being a gay, black cop?"

"Detective Tutuola…"

"Detective Tutuola…"

"Detective Tutuola…"

* * *

**R&R**


	7. Chapter 7

"Oda," Munch said tentatively as they walked into his apartment, "it's going to be okay."

"No, it's not, John!" Fin threw his overcoat against the wall in frustration, "this will never stop!"

"We've gotten bad press before," Munch said softly, "it goes away."

"I'm a joke, John," Fin seethed as he flopped down on the couch dejectedly, "I'm a gay, middle aged, black detective in the sex crimes division that got raped! Not only did I get raped, I got raped by perps I put in jail."

"Oda," Munch sighed, sitting next Fin, "we'll get through this. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you ever again, Fin." Munch gave his partner a sad smile before planting a light kiss on his lips.

"John," Fin's voice shook slightly, "have sex with me."

"What?" Munch recoiled in shock, "No! Fin, you need to let yourself heal, emotionally and physically."

"No," Fin shook his head defiantly, "no, I can't go another day knowing that… they were the last ones to…" Fin looked at Munch with a desperate, pleading look in his eyes, "John, please, I need to forget, at least for tonight. I want it to be you and me, not thinking about the case or the press, just you and me."

Munch stared at Fin for another moment before slowly nodding, "okay."

Before they knew what was happening, Munch was leading Fin into the bedroom by the hand. It was with careful ease that Munch began to undress his partner, unbuttoning the maroon shirt, pulling off the white undershirt, undoing the belt and easing off the trousers until they fell to the floor, leaving Fin in a pair of navy boxers. Munch treated Fin like a porcelain doll as he guided the younger man onto the bed so his head rested on the soft pillows.

Munch was above Fin, a knee on either side of the other's hips. They stared at each other for a moment before Fin, with all the tentativeness of a virgin, began to undress Munch, leaving him in a pair of red and black checked boxers.

"You're sure about this?" Munch asked, looking down at Fin with worry.

"Make me forget, John," Fin pleaded quietly, reaching a hand up and running it through the salt and pepper hair.

Munch leaned down and kissed Fin, gently at first, then deepening it. He wanted to be with Fin, be a part of Fin. He wanted to make everything okay. Fin needed this, so Munch was going to make sure he did everything right.

Fin gasped into the kiss as he felt long fingers ghosting at the waistline of his boxers. He tensed slightly as Munch began to ease them off of him, but soon he relaxed again, melting into the warmth John provided.

"I love you," Munch said softly as he began to tug off his own boxers.

"I love you too," Fin smiled, leaning up and capturing Munch's lips once more.

Munch was having trouble keeping himself in check as he felt Fin's body flush against his, and it took all his willpower to wait as he groped at the nightstand in search of the long-unused bottle of lube that rested there.

Munch carefully began to prepare Fin, easing away any tension in the younger man with soft touches and kisses that reminded him nothing of what he was trying to forget.

"Ready?" Munch asked, kissing Fin's collar-bone gently.

"Yeah," Fin said with a shy smile.

Munch entered Fin at an excruciatingly slow pace, feeling like he might explode as he felt the warm tightness he had only dreamed about. He looked down at Fin and was pleased to see the younger man had nothing but pure euphoria on his face. He had expected Fin to recoil from his touch, but Fin had no nervousness or fear or revulsion in his eyes. This was what Fin had needed, for him to wipe the memory of that night from his mind. He needed to forget, forget the case, forget the press, and forget what the morning would bring. It was just Fin and Munch, together.

"John," Fin moaned as Munch found himself fully sheathed inside the tight muscles, "John, I'm not made of glass." Munch looked down and saw that there was a fire burning in Fin's eyes.

"I know," Munch smirked, surprised by the sudden change in mood.

"John," Fin grinned, "fuck me." Fin emphasized the words by grinding slightly against Munch, making the older man release a deep moan, "I want you to show me that I'm yours, John," Fin growled in his ear, "Make me yours."

"God, Oda," Munch gasped shakily, his mind spinning as the heat pooling in his abdomen increased. All it took was one last grind from Fin to break down any self-control Munch had left. With all the strength of a much younger man, Munch thrust deep inside the man below him, electing a deep moan from Fin. They didn't speak as Munch began thrusting in and out of Fin, kissing and sucking at his neck and chest, nipping at his ear, and running his hands through his soft, black hair.

"John," Fin moaned, gripping at his partner's shoulders, trying to match Munch's thrusts.

It didn't take long before Fin reached his climax, spilling his seed across their chests, Munch following seconds later.

They stayed where they were for a moment, catching their breath as stars clouded their vision.

"Shit," Munch groaned as he lay down beside Fin, trying to process what had just happened.

"Spoken like a true poet," Fin smirked, turning his head so he could look at Munch.

"Only the best for you," Munch chuckled, planting a kiss on Fin's lips.

"I'm tired now," Fin sighed, smiling at the man beside him. Then he laughed, a real, genuine laugh that filled the apartment and seemed to make everything a little brighter.

"You're welcome," Munch winked jokingly.

Fin rolled his eyes before getting under the blanket and nestling down into its warmth.

"You don't want to clean off?" Munch asked, looking down at Fin with an amused smile.

"Shut up and go to sleep, John," Fin grumbled, a smirk on his lips that made Munch feel light-headed.

"Okay," Munch grinned, climbing under the covers and pulling Fin close to him so they were eye to eye.

"I love you," Fin said softly, pressing their foreheads together.

"I'm never going to let anyone hurt you, Oda," Munch said in a whisper, "we're going to live the rest of our lives like this, together."

"What about the press?" Fin asked, worry laced in his voice.

"Screw them," Munch smirked.

"What about the board?" Fin asked, a smile playing at his lips.

"They wouldn't dare break up the Minority poster couple!" Munch said in mock astonishment, "and if they try, we'll call them Nazis."

Fin laughed, planting a kiss on Munch's lips before nuzzling into the older man's chest. "You know, I couldn't have asked for a better partner."

"Glad to hear it," Munch said, a smile forming on his lips, "because I plan on sticking around for a long time."

"Good," Fin yawned, sinking into Munch and the smell of old spice before drifting off to sleep.

"Good," Munch whispered, burying his nose in Fin's hair and breathing in the smell of it. He wanted to stay there forever, listening to Fin's breathing as he slept beside him. He wanted to forget everything, ignore everything that was outside of the walls, and focus on their being together, him and Fin.

* * *

Munch and Fin were awoken by the sound of the phone. Fin groaned, curling up further under the covers and into Munch.

"Ignore it," Fin pleaded as Munch moved to retrieve the phone from the nightstand.

"Could be important," Munch said with a sigh, flipping open the phone and holding it up to his ear, "Munch."

"John," it was Olivia, she sounded tense, nervous, and that frightened Munch.

"Liv, what's wrong?" Munch asked, upon hearing this, Fin sat up and pressed his ear against the phone so he could hear.

"John," Olivia said in a quiet voice, "I need you to walk over to the dresser."

Munch looked at Fin, his eyebrows raised and dread forming knots at the pit of his stomach. Munch was about to get up when he realized he was still completely naked, Fin noticed and reached over his side of the bed and grabbed the pair of boxers that had been thrown off the night before.

Giving Fin a grateful kiss, Munch pulled on the boxers and got up from the bed. He walked slowly to the dresser that stood against the wall to his left, facing the bed.

"Now," Olivia said, "is there anything on top of the dresser?"

Munch frowned, anxiety building in his gut, "yeah, a digital clock and a picture frame."

Munch heard Olivia take a deep breath, "John, I need you to check them for cameras."

Munch's blood ran cold.

It was with numb fingers that he began feeling around the surface of the clock, and soon he noticed a small box resting discretely on the side. Munch plucked it from the appliance, staring at it with a blank expression.

"You got it," Olivia said quietly.

"I don't want to know, Liv," Munch said in a strained voice, "but how did you know this was here?"

There was a long pause, "because I'm watching it right now," she said softly, "it's streaming live onto multiple websites. We're attempting to locate all the sites, but…"

"This will never go away, Liv," John said in a flat voice, "never."

"John," Olivia sighed, but Munch hung up before she could say anymore.

"John," this time it was Fin who spoke quietly, tentatively. He was still sitting on the bed, but he had pulled on a pair of boxers and was staring at Munch with worried eyes.

"They think this is funny," Munch muttered darkly, staring at the little camera, "messing with our lives."

"John," Fin repeated, his voice starting to shake.

"They think this is some kind of game," Munch yelled, looking positively livid, "haven't they done enough? Haven't they fucked with us enough?"

"John!" Fin yelled, silencing his partner's rant, "there is no _they_. It is someone, one person, it's the person who sent those guys after me and it's the same guy who put that camera there. You're letting it get to your head, John! This isn't some conspiracy; this is just some guy who is playing with us. Now, we are going to get dressed and we are going to go down to the precinct and we are going to move on with our day. We are going to catch this guy and we are going to put him in jail, and that will be the end of it."

"But," John looked at Fin in shock, surprised at the sudden outburst.

"No buts!" Fin interrupted, "so people saw us have sex, good, who the hell cares? We're men, John, and we're going to deal with this like men. Now go get your bony ass in the shower, I'm going to make us some coffee."

Munch started at Fin, disbelief in his eyes, "Oda," Munch's face suddenly split into a wide grin as he let the camera drop to the floor and then smashed it under his foot, "Oda, you are amazing," Munch tackled Fin on the bed, capturing his lips in a desperate kiss.

"Yeah, yeah," Fin smirked as they broke apart, "I know."

"I love you," Munch said softly, looking down at Fin with an array of emotions swimming in his eyes.

"I love you too," Fin grinned, "Now go take a shower, old man, I'll make breakfast."

"You're an angel," Munch quipped, before climbing off of Fin and making his way to the bathroom.

* * *

"Oh now that's not fair," Fin blushed as Munch walked out in nothing but a towel, "John, we'll never get to work if you do that."

"You've done this to me twice, Oda, it's time you get a taste of your own medicine," Munch smirked teasingly as he sauntered over to his partner and pulled him into a deep kiss.

"You know, your skinny ass actually has some nice muscle to it." Fin said absent-mindedly as he looked down at Munch's fairly defined torso.

"I figure, since my skinny ass was able to completely dominate yours last night," Munch smirked, giving Fin's a playful squeeze.

"Shut up, old man," Fin grinned, running a soft hand down Munch's side.

"You should take a shower too," Munch smiled, kissing Fin's cheek lovingly.

Fin just smiled and nodded before walking off.

Munch looked around the kitchen and was surprised to see that Fin had managed to make omelets and turkey bacon, since bacon was definitely non-kosher, while he was in the shower. Munch smiled to himself, wondering why he hadn't gone through with his feelings for Fin a long time ago.

* * *

**R&R**


	8. Chapter 8

Fin and Munch were dressed to kill as they walked into the building. Munch in a black suit with a white dress shirt and black dress shoes and a blood red tie along with his favorite fedora and sunglasses, Fin was also in a black suit and dress shoes but sported a navy button-up and his shield hanging from his neck with his hair pulled back into a neat braid.

They noticed the stares as they walked into the building, but only made eye contact with who they normally would. From somewhere in the halls, they heard someone whisper "Isn't he like twenty years older than him?" and another, "What kind of a name is Fin and Munch?" then another, "God, did you see the video?"

They ignored all the hushed voices, except for a teenage secretary that whispered "scandalllllll" to her friend behind her hand. Fin couldn't help but smirk as he and Munch both shot her a wink.

By the time the couple made it to the elevator, every eye was on them. They weren't about to miss the opportunity to piss some people off, so before the doors slid shut, Munch pulled Fin into a passionate kiss that Fin returned as he proceeded to flip off the crowd.

When the doors slid closed, they burst into laughter, unable to contain it any longer.

"God, did you see their faces?" Fin laughed, holding his sides in a vain effort to stay upright.

"That was perfect," Munch snorted, clinging to Fin for support.

"Priceless," Fin snickered.

"What's got you two so hyped?" Elliot smirked as the doors opened to reveal the still chuckling men.

"They just sent a shockwave through the whole ground floor," Olivia giggled from her desk, waving the phone that had contained the voice of a shell-shocked secretary seconds before.

"Hey," Fin grinned, "we try to make the best out of a situation."

"So, what's the news on our accidental sex tape?" Munch asked as he and Fin walked over to their desks, "do we have any leads?"

"Actually, we were about to go interview one of the perps," Olivia said, happy they were trying to stay positive. It had broken her heart to hear the strain in Munch's voice that morning and see the pain and hurt in their eyes the past few days.

"Mind if we take over?" Fin asked.

"If you want," Olivia shrugged.

* * *

"Alright," Munch frowned as he and Fin sat across from Robert, the first perp they had interviewed and the one Munch had slugged in the face, "let's get this over with."

"You should be more excited," Robert sneered, "I'm about to give you the name of the guy who put that little jewel on the internet last night. That was a lovely performance by the way," he smirked at Munch, "you've got good stamina for an old guy."

"Gee," Munch scowled, "thanks."

"Just tell us who it is, man," Fin grumbled, not wanting to be anywhere near the man in front of him.

"You're not gonna like it," Robert grinned.

"Just tell us who put you up to that shit!" Fin barked, his patience dwindling.

"You remember that kid, the little bartender you're buddies with?"

Fin's blood ran cold. No, it couldn't be Nick. Fin had known Nick for two years, and the kid had always been nothing but nice to him, hell the kid had cried when he saw Fin after the attack.

"Yeah," managed to say, dread gripping at his heart.

"Well he's got an older brother," Robert said, his expression changing from joking to serious, "Apparently the kid liked you because he talked about you to him so much that his brother recognized you."

Fin let himself breathe normally now, "the kid named me?"

"No, but he described you," Robert looked Fin in the eyes, making him shutter.

"So, what's his name?" Munch frowned, grasping Fin's hand under the table.

"Blake McLain," Robert said, "I guess you got him locked up for raping some girls a few years back and he's still pissed."

"And Nick never knew I was the one who locked up his older brother?" Fin asked cautiously.

"Nah," Robert sneered, "he and Blake didn't talk much before Blake got locked up. I guess the kid decided to try and build a relationship with him after he got out a few months ago."

"Jesus Christ," Fin groaned, running a hand down his face.

"Yeah," Robert continued, "so I guess when Blake figured out it was you that his little brother was so enthralled with, he saw the opportunity to get back at you. Of course, the asshole didn't want to get in trouble himself, so he tracked down a few guys you'd booked in the past that held a grudge. Once he had rounded the six of us up, he sent us to his kid brother's bar. He told us to wait in the alley for you to walk by, it was just luck that you came running in all on your own."

Fin looked like he was going to be sick, so Munch decided they had all that they needed and guided Fin out the door. As soon as it shut behind them, Fin proceeded to empty his stomach into the waste bin beside the doorway. Munch rushed to calm down his partner, keeping his hair from falling and rubbing his back soothingly until he had finished.

"You're okay," Munch said softly as Fin straightened up, looking slightly dazed.

"Hey, let's sit you down for a second," Olivia said as she helped Munch guide Fin to his desk.

"You're alright," Munch asked as he began wiping off Fin's mouth with some tissues, "it's alright."

The others smiled slightly at the sight of him fussing over the younger man; it was bizarre to them seeing Munch so affectionate and Fin so vulnerable.

"I'll go call the kid," Elliot said as he started making his way towards his desk.

"No," Fin said shakily, "I'll go talk to him."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Cragen asked, his face scrunched with worry.

"Yeah," Fin nodded, "I need to do this."

"I'll go with you," Munch said as he helped Fin to his feet.

* * *

"Hey, kid," Fin said softly as the door he had just knocked on opened to reveal Nick.

"Oh my God!" Nick cried as he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Fin's neck. The kid retracted as he felt Fin stiffen instantly. "Oh, God, I'm sorry." Nick apologized as he stepped back and saw that the color had left Fin's face and his body had started to shake.

Munch was surprised by Fin's reaction, suddenly realizing that Fin wasn't as much getting over the trauma of the attack as much as he was just getting comfortable with being touched by Munch.

"Hey," Munch whispered into Fin's ear as he took hold of the younger man's shoulders and rubbed them soothingly, "you're okay, everything's okay."

Nick couldn't help the pang of jealousy that gripped his stomach as he watched Fin melt into Munch's touch.

"What're you guys doing here?" Nick asked once Fin had calmed down.

"Where's your brother, Nick?" Fin asked, wanting to get the worse part over with.

"Blake? What do you want him for?" Nick's eyebrows furrowed.

"Just tell me where he is," Fin said sternly.

"Hey, Nicky," a voice sounded from inside the house as if on cue, "where'd you go"

"Is that him, Nick?" Fin asked in a hushed voice, not wanting to tip the man off inside.

"Hey, Blake," Nick called with an uneasy look on his face, "there are some people at the door, I think it's your buddies from the other day."

"Alright, I'm coming," the voice grunted and they could hear footsteps approaching the door, "hey guys, come in and…" the tall, pale man Fin only vaguely recognized froze as he caught sight of the men outside the door, he tried to make a run for it but Munch was already on him.

"Blake McLain," Munch spat out the name, "you are under arrest for the organizing of the rape of Detective Odafin Tutuola."

"Wait, what?" Nick spluttered, looking at his brother with wide eyes, "you did what?"

"You have the right to remain silent," Munch barked before Blake could speak, "if you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law."

"What did you do?" Nick asked in a desperate voice as Fin opened the door to the back seat of their car so Munch could shove the thrashing man inside.

"You have the right to an attorney," Munch said as he worked on keeping Blake inside the car, "if you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you."

* * *

A few hours later, Munch and Fin sat in the one place they never imagined they would be, the plaintiff table. They were sitting at the table of victims, Casey poised beside them like a viper ready to strike. They tried not to move as they felt every eye on them.

Of course, Fin was the first witness called to the stand.

Munch kissed his hand as Fin stood to walk across the court room, and Fin felt his nerves ease only slightly. He kept his head down as he walked into the witness box, promising to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

"Detective Tutuola," Casey started, shooting Fin an apologetic smile "can you please recount to the jury what happened at 9p.m. four days ago?"

Fin coughed, looking at the jury sheepishly, "I was sitting in a bar when my son walked in, I panicked and ran out and into the alley besides the building."

"And, tell me, Detective," Casey gave him an apologetic look, "why did you panic when your son saw you in the bar?"

"Because it," Fin drew in a breath, "it was a gay bar."

"And your son didn't know you are gay?"

"No," Fin stared over at Munch, who gave him an encouraging smile.

"Will you please tell the jury what happened next?"

"I, um, stopped in the alley to calm down and someone came up from behind and smashed my face into the wall. Next thing I know, I'm surrounded."

"You're an officer of the law," Casey said, "why didn't you arrest them?"

"When you're outnumbered like that, flashing your badge is about the worst thing you can do." Fin frowned.

"What happened next, Detective?"

"One of them, um, bend me over and," Fin took in a shaky breath, "and pull down my pants."

"Did he rape you, Detective?" Casey asked, looking like she was going to cry.

"Yeah," Fin looked like he was going to be sick, "there was the one behind me, and another one… in my mouth… and the rest of them were just standing there, jacking off, yelling things, and hitting me."

"Then what happened?"

"I, um, heard my son yell," Fin covered his mouth with his hand, "I was able to fight them off long enough to look over at him before one of them smashed my face into the ground."

"But they didn't stop, did they, Detective?" Casey wished she could end the whole trial and not go a step further, wished she could run up to the witness stand and wrap her arms around the man before her, her friend.

"No," Fin shook his head, "no, they just kept going… while my son watched," Fin felt angry tears prick his eyes, "they didn't stop until they heard the sirens."

"And why were there sirens?"

"Because my son called my partner," Fin said quietly.

"And your partner is Detective John Munch, correct?"

"Yeah," Fin nodded

"Will you please clarify to the jury what you mean by partner?"

Fin couldn't bring himself to look into the eyes of the jury members, "he's my partner in," Fin took in another shaky breath, "and out of work."

"And how long have you and Detective Munch been together?"

"Objection, relevance," the opposing lawyer called out.

"Get to the point. Casey," the judge said without harshness.

"I suppose," Fin looked over at Munch, "we've been together since the night I was attacked."

"And why is it that you and Detective Munch did not make this change until then?"

"Because we didn't know that the feelings we had for each other were mutual," Fin was getting irritated with the questions and wanted nothing more than to return to Munch.

"And you two made this discovery after you were attacked?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much how it went down."

"And did you sleep at Detective Munch's apartment that night?"

"Yes."

"And the night after that?"

"Yes."

"And the night after that?"

"Yes."

"And last night as well?"

"I think we all know that," Fin could help but smirk, and was pleased when there was a hushed chuckle throughout the courtroom.

"And what do you mean by that?" Casey asked, trying not to smile at Fin's joke.

"We received a call from one of our fellow detectives telling us to search the nightstand for a camera, which we found."

"And, tell me, Detective, what is it that the camera captured?"

"Me and John having sex."

"And are you aware that that camera was sending a live feed to multiple websites up until the time your partner smashed it." Casey asked.

"Yeah," Fin looked over at Munch, "we were informed."

"Did you two know about the camera before your fellow detective called you?"

"No, we had no idea."

"And how did you feel once you found it?"

Fin sucked in a breath, these were going to be his closing words and Munch had told him to make them heartfelt, "It made me feel like… like I was being violated all over again."

"Thank you, Detective, no more questions," Casey looked like she was going to be sick as she sat back down at the table besides Munch.

* * *

"Life sentence for the organizing of a rape, ten for distributing pornography without the performers consent, and another five for acting outside of his parole, which he did by living with Nick and not telling his parole officer, isn't too shabby," Elliot grinned as Munch, Fin, and Casey walked into the precinct after the trial.

"Well, it probably helped that Munch started crying," Fin smirked, earning a light shove.

"At least it's over with," Olivia smiled, pulling out a bottle of Champaign.

"I'll toast to that," Huang grinned, passing around glasses, and holding his up once they were all filled, "here's to Fin and Munch, may they live, long, happy lives together, eating kosher food and arguing most of the time."

They laughed as they downed their drinks, except for Cragen, who just laughed.

"Dad," a voice sounded, causing everyone to turn.

"Hey, kid," Fin smiled when he saw Ken and Teresa standing sheepishly by the door, "come on in, we're just celebrating."

Ken smiled widely, dragging his mother behind him. Olivia passed them both a glass and filled it.

"To the both of you," Teresa smiled slightly, "keep making each other happy."


End file.
